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Yeah, if you need relationship advice, don't ask me for it.


I'm still trying to figure out how to communicate effectively and healthy with a romantic partner. Sometimes my tone isn't right... And rather than a normal conversation, a full on battle ensues. My biggest thing is its not what you say its how you say it. And I gotta say things with a calmer, not negative tone. I've heard this thing about making "I" statements instead of "You" statements. Because then you're actually sharing how you feel rather than saying a "you" statement which puts the other person immediately on the defensive. For example, "you always do this, you do that." Also, I gotta not ask "why" so much. "Why do you..." automatically sounds judgmental. So maybe saying something else. Idk. Like I said, I aint got the answers. I just know I got a lot of work to do myself, therefore, dont ask me for advice in that area. I have no ideaaaa.

So if you know me, you know I'm generally a pretty positive, optimistic person. But that doesn't mean I haven't went through my own share of tough times.


Now this isn't one of those sob stories that you hear on American Idol, but this is my attempt and being vulnerable, and letting some of you in on some things I rarely talk about.


I guess we all have defining moments in our life. Defining chapters even. We may not have realized it at the time, but when we look back... it has sort of made us who we are today.


I'll start by saying, I grew up with awesome parents. My dad was there a lot throughout my childhood. Pretty much everyday actually. He took me school in the mornings, he coached me in baseball, took me to pop warner football practices, and we really have a million memories together. Even my first job was with him; helping him with his vending machine business. Little Casino Vending believe it or not. (Partly influenced my choice in stage name). Off topic kinda, but there's also home video footage of him calling me Little Casino when I was just a baby. (I just found out about this not too long ago!) Either way, I was blessed to have him there. And my mom... or as I would call her "MA!"... was awesome too. You know how most little kids will talk about their idols... and say their mom and dad... well I was one of those kids.


Now for something you may or may not know, and its okay... please don't be sad... I just wanna share my full story. But they fought about money a lot. Like if my little 5 to 10 to 15 year old ass just had some money, I wouldn't have to be in the middle of their arguments. Either way... they ended up getting divorced. And it was for the best.. and they are both very happy now. I'm good too. But they say around 50% of marriages end in divorce... but if thats so... then why is it not more talked about? Possibly people are ashamed... or scared they will be seen as a failure. But thats not the case!


If anything, that is an incredibly difficult decision to make that takes a lot of maturity and courage. To realize that things would be better in a less applauded direction.


So yeah, if you had parents that went through that, just know I feel you.


What else?! Now this may seem like its connected to my previous chapter... maybe it is... maybe not... but depression. I have been there! I'm not now, but I sure do remember how tough it was... finding myself so to speak. There was a period in my life where I was absolutely LOST. I hit rock bottom at the full speed of gravity... and although it hurt like a b*&*#... I got up. And I'm cruisin now.


I guess the point is, there's a lot of things that happen over the course of ones human experience, that we aren't too proud to share. And that's fine. But at the same time, I want you to feel like you can share those things with me. Or at least don't be afraid to share it with someone.. anyone! When I ask how are you?.. you dont have to say "Good!" You can say man... this shit aint easy. haha. And if you are going through a sort of bummer time... I just wanna remind you it will get better. And if ur happy lovin life... then hell yeah. No matter what... I'm excited to hear about all the chapters in your life... just dont leave out the tough chapters... I like those ones too. And I can't wait to hear the part where you overcome all the stuff going on in those ones.


Peace & Love,

Billy


Okay okay,


I realize its been a minute since I blogged about some actual music. Although I do have a song coming out tomorrow, I don't feel like hyping it (yet); I feel like putting myself out there in a different way.. or at least sharing with you what it's like to share songs you've made.


Maannnn, it's not easy. You pour your heart into something, just to put it into the world for it to be straight up JUDGED. That shit is not easy. Its pretty fuckin scary to be honest.


It's kinda like talking to a beautiful girl for the first time (that you may actually like). It's super nerve-racking. A littleeee exciting. But you just don't really know what to expect. It's a lot like the first time I kicked it with Ashia actually.


It was after work, and I went with her to her car. (Now pretend Ashia is the world of music listeners waiting to judge my song.) I had a slight panic when I sat down. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't believe I was sitting next to this beautiful girl! Same thing with sharing a song pretty much! There's a slight panic (like how are people gonna react, what's gonna happen, what am I doing, why did I share this, nobody cares, its okay, *heart beating rapidly* its all good), then all of a sudden, I have a moment where I'm so so happy. I'm happy cause I took a risk, and although that happy feeling is fleeting, its nice while it lasts. With Ashia, although that exciting moment went away quickly, it was filled by something even better. Something incredibly peaceful and comfortable. Its hard to explain, but all of a sudden I felt at ease. Like I wasn't so jumpy or anxious or scared.


Same thing with my music. There's panic, then stoked/ fuck yeah I did it... then I feel at ease. Maybe because I'm accomplishing part of my deeper cosmic purpose, (lol) orrrr it could just be because I was freaking out for no reason.


Do you ever do that? Just freak out for no reason; then come to realize that whatever was freaking you out didn't even end up happening? It's kinda like your imagination gets the best of you. Yep, me too.


I guess the worst thing that can happen when I release a song... it someone says... "THIS IS TRASH." And the best thing I can do now... is just expect that to happen! hahaha I know that sounds crazy, but if I expect it... and by some miracle that doesn't happen... then it's a pleasant surprise! But if it does happen... then at least I was prepared for it and I can say.. thereeee it is. haha.


So yeah, now I'll promote. Tomorrow, Ghost Town feat Ashia... hope ur ready for Ashia to steal the show. ;)


Peace & <3

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 by BILLY HUEGEL. Proudly created with Wix.com